Goal reward and weird weight loss…

I watch The Biggest Loser. It makes me cry. Pretty hard sometimes. I struggle with a lot of what they struggle with, as do most overweight people. I’m an empathetic person, too, so I tend to feel heartbreak when I see it.

They went to Hawaii this week to battle the excuse “I can’t lose weight while on vacation”.

Guys, I think I’m in love.

I have seen things from Hawaii, and they never really hit me. Then I see it on Biggest Loser. It’s beautiful. THE WATER IS CLEAR. I want to do things that I never thought I would have wanted to do before; learn to surf, hike up a fucking volcano, SNORKELING, and visiting the Pearl Harbor Memorial.

I haven’t had a goal size reward planned yet. I didn’t think that far ahead. I figured, “Hey, getting pregnant and raising a family is rewarding enough, right?” Well, I decided that going to Hawaii when I get to my goal size will be my reward.

And notice I said size, not weight. I can be at my goal weight (which is 160) and still not be the size I want to be (which is a 12, and I’m even thinking 8 or 10 now).

Now, I’ve never been outside of the continental United States. I have never seen ocean so clean you can see your feet 5 ft down. I’ve never wanted to go somewhere that I can wear a bikini everywhere and not get weird looks for. I’ve been so obsessed with how much I hate myself and that must mean that everyone else hates me just as much. I don’t want to see myself in a bathing suit, who the hell else would want to? Now I am at a point where I can think, “Holy fuck, I will be skinny enough to not only look good, but might even get stared at with the curves I have naturally.” This is a good place. I am still big, but now I can plan for when I am skinny. So, Hawaii it is.

The downside is that I want it to be something Chris and I do before children, so we have to put them off. However, it will be considered our last “hurrah”, and we will try immediately after.

My stomach is losing weight now. I think I only posted about this on Twitter. The sides of my stomach in between my obliques and upper abs have been losing weight, and it’s making me look odd. Not complaining about losing the weight, just more that it isn’t consistent all over my belly, lol.

My neck is skinnier, my shoulders are looking thinner, I have to constantly tighten my pajama pants. I am really happy with my weight loss right now.

I am kind of happy as a whole emotionally. I get to see my husband in 2 weeks, and that gives me something to look forward to. Especially since he hasn’t seen me in 2 months and he gets to see how much weight I’ve lost!

Now, I get to fix my keyboard on my laptop that I broke last week! *whoosh*

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sweetopiagirl
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:19:43

    Reblogged this on Inspiredweightloss.

    Reply

  2. megis217
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:44:29

    I like to watch the biggest loser too! and i find myself pigging out on taco bell :x! I’ve gain 30 pounds since last year ( like total 60 since finishing highschool in 2006 and fighting those 60 pounds up and down since then!)and i tell myself everyday that today will be the last day! I will start my diet tomorrow :X ugh. well i did start today and hopefully I will be able to keep it up. I wanted to write about my weight problems( i am an over eater!) but i wasnt sure if it would help me out. reading yours has made me think, what the hell – i will tell the world how i feel about my body..lmao i love my fat ass! (i really do, i believe you have to love yourself before anyone can love you) i just want to get healthy and feel awesome in my swimsuit when i get to the disney water parks in june!

    so from one fatty to another, STAY STRONG! we can do it..
    -Megan

    Reply

    • Missy Q.
      Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:49:54

      THANK YOU, my dear! The will power to stop yourself from doing the things you find comforting and can’t help sometimes is the hardest part. However, once you get around that, you will create new habits, and even inspire those around you (5 people that I know have been so inspired by me that they have started to lose weight).

      It’s hard, but this blog helps a lot. I love being able to talk about it openly and not have to feel bad. I don’t do well talking to people about my feelings face to face, so this is the best for me.

      If you do start a blog separate from the polish one, lemme know in a comment and I’ll link you on my widget. :) We need all the fatty support we can get. :3

      Reply

  3. megis217
    Mar 22, 2012 @ 16:52:17

    i just read your about me! I’m a pcos girl too and i know your pain! It’s like I was reading about my life. lmao except I’m in my early 20s, im not married yet ( been with my boyfriend for 7 years), i want a baby soooo bad but i have the same issues… weight..blah…. my eggs wont pop out.. you know…

    anyways… its nice to know there’s others like us out there that can share. None of my friends understand or have my (pcos) problems. so i hope we can keep in touch!
    -megan

    Reply

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