This IS the hard part.

I gained again this week.

We did so well at the gym all week. I just don’t even know anymore. I will be dropping my calorie intake a few hundred just to be sure, but I am actually starting to get discouraged.

No, not discouraged. Seriously frustrated.

I don’t want to stop. I won’t stop. I’m too god damn stubborn to stop now. I have come a VERY long way. No, I don’t want comments about how I should stick to it. I fucking will. You all know I will. I am tired of hearing it.

I am so frustrated with it all that I am constantly angry. I haven’t gone anywhere weight wise. Not really size wise, either. Four months of this. It’s really fucking killing me.

I let things take over. Everything that is wrong with me becomes a disease. I’m neurotic. Obsessive. Self-deprecating. And I still push myself. Apparently not far enough.

I don’t even want to talk about this anymore, that’s how upsetting it is. I guess it’s time for bed.


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