I hate stress.

I am sure everyone does. It does massive damage to your body. It seems to do stuff 10 fold to me.

With the risk of going super TMI, I have stomach issues. For those that have known me long enough (or well enough) know that I had the beginnings of an ulcer discovered just over a year ago. With eating better, I tend to not have issues. I am diagnosed with GERDs, but don’t suffer from it often, even when super stressed. My bowels seem to be the issue when I get super stressed. I get (WARNING SUPER SUPER TMI) loose, bloody stool. It might have an underlying issue; it might be related to the beginning ulcer happening. Well, the blood isn’t happening now, but man do I have some bad cramping. It’s pretty miserable.

UPDATE: Seems that there are a few others in class that are having issues with their stomachs. It might be something with the food from here, because we all ate it yesterday…

On top of this, I have stress hives. That is the worst. I itch constantly. My ears tend to get the worst of it because I not only get the anxiety itching, but I get the stress hives. Also, having them on a peeling sunburn is like…being tortured for country secrets or something.

I hate stress.

On a side note, I am sitting in class doing fuck all nothing because my trainer tried to make me sit with people JUST OUT OF TRAINING for sidejacking. Uh, fuck no am I sitting with someone that doesn’t know what they are doing. This entire week, this trainer has given me the feeling that he just doesn’t care. I have seen him sit with 2 people during the test and just give them the fucking answers if they asked. I asked 3 questions on the test that had to do with conflicting information given and stuff we just didn’t go over. I worked hard to make sure that I might be able to pass. I am pissed. Apparently this trainer is being promoted or something and he’s just giving people the answers if they ask for it. It really doesn’t teach us anything. Our training program for accounts is broken and we can’t pull up anything, so I’m fucking lost when it comes to that. Instead, I am looking up articles in our database so that I can learn the process for top call drivers. Currently, the trainer is playing Mass Effect 2. :\

The A/C was fixed here on Friday and Saturday. NOW IT NEVER SHUTS OFF. Fuck, am I cold. The thermostat in the room doesn’t control the A/C in here anymore. It’s brilliant.

This training will drive me insane. :|

This concludes the ranting post. So ready to just…have a week off. Irritated that will take more than 2 months still. OCTOBER. THEN I WILL BE IN CALIFORNIA FOR A WEEK AND NOT WORRY ABOUT SHIT. >:(


Yesterday’s weigh in

I forgot to post yesterday. To say there is some high stress in my life right now is probably understating it. And it’s probably what contributed to my weight gain this week. I gained 0.8 lbs. However, I feel skinnier. So I don’t feel TOO bad about it. And I still do understand that weight does fluctuate.

Out of the 3 of us living here, until today, my husband was the only one with a job. We can’t continue to live where we do, so we had to make a lot of tough choices yesterday (when our internet ended up being shut off and the company ended up taking all of our extra money). I have had a tight chest and a pit in my stomach for the past few days, on top of another pair of ear infections. I’ve been mostly sticking to my diet, though (yesterday was really hard to, but I didn’t go over too much). Exercise, however, has been kind of flat. I can’t even remember right now if yesterday was my day off or not… All I can think about is money and where we’re going from here. I do know I am exercising today, though, but I can’t figure out if I exercise tomorrow or not. I think I do…

Stress is a funny thing. I guess I will just take it day by day right now, but I really need to be able to hit something. I’d do stairs, but it is quite cold outside, and I know how that just steals my breathe. Maybe it wouldn’t if I were more bundled up? I don’t know. I’ve never actually tried to exercise in the cold because it’s always been a TERRIFIC excuse. I am not an open person, emotionally. I want to share more things, but,  in my head, I have to be the strong one. The one everyone can rely on. :\

I hope this gain isn’t a sign of what’s to come. I was really liking losing. Hopefully next week will be better like it was last week. I obviously didn’t hit my goal that I wanted to, and I need to fight for that goal. I cannot let this hiccup in life get in the way of my health.