How does this not depress you?

Fact of the matter is that I gained this week. And not the measly little things I had been gaining before. I gained 2.5 lbs this week, and ended back up into the 230’s.

Two weeks of gaining hit me really, REALLY hard today. I am still not discouraged by any means, but I am super disappointed in myself. I wouldn’t have been so depressed if my measurements came back as actually losing something significant. I kind of want to cry again just thinking about it. If I gain again next week, I don’t know what I am doing wrong to actually be gaining. I haven’t had a gain so large after a week of gaining before, and it just hit me so hard that I gained so much. Most of the time that I gained this much, the week prior I had lost a large number, so it was expected!

I’m mostly fine now. I am pretty sure that this past weekend affected me more than I thought it would. I saw something on Twitter from @Fitness that said “diet mistakes are harder to overcome than missed workouts. ” It has to be so true in this case. I have indulged before, but never to the extent of not logging, and of the amount of sugar that I did.

And at least it wasn’t double that weight that I gained.

Measurements! Doing both mine and Chris’ from now on! Mine:

  • Neck: 15.5 (0)
  • Bust: 47.0 (0)
  • Ribs: 38.0 (0)
  • Waist: 44.25 (-0.75)
  • Hips: 50.0 (0)

For Chris, we’re tracking a couple more things. I expect things to change up and down for him more on his biceps, and not much to change on his hips since we measure under his belly (where he wears his pants).

  • Neck: 18.0
  • Bicep: 16.5
  • Ribs: 49.5
  • Waist: 48.5
  • Hips: 47.0
  • Thigh: 24.75

Since he won’t keep track of these anywhere else, I will keep track of them for him. I am just happy that he is letting me do this. :3

(If you have met my husband,  you will know that if he doesn’t want something done to him, he will make sure it doesn’t happen.)

That’s it for today. Lazy, hot weekend ahead of us, but good, nonetheless. Back to it Monday, and hoping for a much better week next week. :\

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I HATE EVERYTHING AND FUCK YOU IN YOUR FACE

Today has been hard on me.

It’s the first day I haven’t been able to talk to my husband for the majority of the day. Got a little bit of him for an hour. He was productive today. But still no money from the ex-landlord so that he can buy a god damn wireless network card so I can talk to him while he’s at home. Fuck that shit. Seriously.

So, it’s hit me kind of hard that I just can’t up and talk to my husband when I want to tonight. Pretty hard. And then fucking people and their going out and doing shit and being happy with their marriages and together and having money and Valentine’s Day and FUCK YOU ALL FOR NOT BEING MORE SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS ME.

This is what it’s like in my head.

It’s all dumb. It will all pass. And seriously, if any of this gets fucking easier and I stop missing him so much, something is god damn wrong.


It really didn’t fucking help that someone else mentioned adoptable kitties and I was sent into a fucking spiral of OH GOD I MISS MY KITTIES AND FUCKING HELL THRALL AND CAIRNE DID THE CUTEST FUCKING SHIT.

It’s not any easier, hours later, writing this. It’s just as painful. And it probably won’t be any easier with me feeling fucking horrible about having to give them up. I think of them taking them away in their kennel and my chest tightens and my face warms. My poor babies. Cairne (to the right) was adopted almost immediately (AND HOW THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE? HE’S SLEEPING ON HIS GOD DAMN FACE). The website told us that. I haven’t seen anything about Thrall (right and down). A knot sits in my stomach when I think that he doesn’t have a home yet. And that’s horrible, because he was fucking lovey with me (and apparently boxes that he cannot fit into…HE’S CHEAP FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT PLEASE ADOPT MY BABY). He was my baby, and I don’t fucking have him anymore. That is fucking terrible. Almost as bad as one of them dying.

Chris luckily has Frankie (below). She’s really too old to be in a shelter now. At 7 years old, she would have been hard to adopt, despite her fucking adorable face and fluffy fur (“Look at this belly…why wouldn’t you want to rub it? I stretch further if you scratch my armpits just right…”). I am pretty sure she only loves Chris and I, though. Chris says with me not around, she is super talkative, and sleeps with him every chance she gets (which is every night). I miss all of them dearly.

 

 

 

 

Seriously, today, go fuck yourself. I know you’re almost over, but go fuck yourself and your emotions and shit.

AND TAKE THIS GOD DAMN CYST ON MY OVARY WITH YOU. BECAUSE I TOTALLY NEED MORE PHYSICAL PAIN.

What do you mean these socks fit me?

I bought a pair of Tinkerbell Christmas socks back in 2007, when I worked for Walmart. It was a combination of my love for fairies, socks, and it being Christmas… The only problem, they didn’t fit.

Yesterday, I was able to wear them as they were intended to be worn. It was amazing. The art wasn’t overly stretched, they didn’t leave horrible impressions on my legs from where they were being held up, and they actually didn’t fall down, either! I was so ecstatic when I took them off yesterday. My husband didn’t understand. What that means to me is that I can wear all the socks I love getting, and not really worry about if my legs are too big for them to be worn. That is an amazing feeling. :)

When I last posted, I talked about being sore. Well, I believe I gave myself delayed onset muscle soreness again. I was sore all the way through yesterday. Instead of doing belly dancing and kick boxing, I ran up and down my stairs. On Saturday, I only did it 10 times, which takes about 12 minutes. Then I vigorously cleaned my kitchen, and logged that as exercise (hey, an hour of that does get you going). Yesterday, I decided (uh…after eating 2 sugar cookies) that I was going to run up and down the stairs for 30 minutes. I succeeded in doing so. I took a break after every 5 so that I wouldn’t be too dead each time. I managed to do it 20 times, equaling 20 flights of stairs I went up and down. Holy shit. I used to get winded at TWO. I really have come a long way. With that in mind, I decided that instead of doing the soft belly dancing video on the second day, I was just going to run up and down the stairs for 30 minutes. That way, I don’t have to worry about hurting my upper body too much with the belly dancing toning videos I’m doing. I burn so many calories doing those stairs, too, that I should see some good weight loss going.

Yesterday, I went over my carb limit. A little expected when you have 2 sugar cookies. I felt horrible. :< However, the rest of the time, I have been under. That makes me super happy. Even though My Fitness Pal gives me more carbs to eat with the exercise I do, I try to not eat them. Same goes with the extra calories it gives me. Good for a buffer, but I really do try to stick to just under 1660 calories if I can. :)

Christmas was a little depressing. It was the first one without family. We Skyped with Chris’ mom, called his dad, talked with my mom on Twitter…but I still felt really left out. We got some money and spent it on a few things. Even bought us a couple Mjolnir pendants. Chris got me Portal 2 socks and a couple shirts I can wear when I finally get skinny, I got him a shirt, we got each other a $60 alarm clock (for $40)… We have a little extra money because of his work so nicely paying double time for yesterday for anyone that was working OT instead of just time and a half. Might get a couple other presents today based on that. We will have to see, though. :) Still waiting on a reply from the husband. Sock Dreams is having an awesome sale today, and I want to take advantage of that with a couple of their cheaper socks (was able to get one, more expensive pair), then get him a special surprise (that I can’t say on here, because he can read this at work…) Ghost Story by Jim Butcher. So, other than being depressed with no family, Christmas ended up being much better than we expected it to be.

Today, I am likely going to go to the store and the library, though I might put it off until tomorrow… I need to go soon, though, before my On Hold books are pulled off the shelf! If I go tomorrow, then I can go to the post office, too. ;)

Sorry for the long post! Didn’t realize so much happened over the weekend! My next post will likely be on Friday. I dislike posting 2 days in a row, so I will hold off on my day off post until my weigh day. :)