Early post this week!

I am posting tonight because…well…this week sucked.

Monday, I was able to run on the treadmill again. In fact, for my fat ass, I was able to run a mile in 14:06. That was fucking exhilarating. I was so proud of myself, and could not wait to be able to try it again the next night. Tuesday, I got hit hard with something. I had no clue what it was. All I knew was with all the coughing and sneezing I was doing by the time I got done with work there was no way I would be able to run. Wednesday, I woke up, and holy fuck what was this new death? My chest hurt, I was hacking, and I felt weighed down. Shit shit shit. I got super sick. Throughout the day, I kept thinking that it felt vaguely like bronchitis. I haven’t had it in years, but you never forget how you feel when you get bronchitis. I couldn’t talk well, and every time I laughed, I coughed until my chest hurt. Ended up being sent home after half of my shift. Looked up everything I had.

Yep. Bron-fucking-chitis. Fucking shit.

Well, it was safe to say that I decided running or exercising with diminished lung power was not a bright idea. So, break time it is. No heavy exercising for at least 3 days, longer depending on how I feel after that. Walking for more than 10 minutes makes me wheeze right now. There is no way I will be doing anything that gets my heart rate up for a few days.

Next week, Chris and I will be on opposite schedules again. I will be starting at 7 am, he will be starting at 11 am. I start Connectivity training next week, which is what Chris does at work. Fucking awesome. And Chris will be leading the control of the nesting of the new Connectivity people next week, which is why his schedule is changing. This puts a kink in our plans that we had for next week. Well, so does the bronchitis, but the opposite schedules is pretty bad, too. We were planning on having a “hell week”. As of October 13th, we’re on vacation. While we plan on being fairly active the entire week, we don’t plan on eating COMPLETELY healthy, and will try to go to the gym, but won’t make it a requirement. We wanted to do a nice push the week before to kind of carry us over (if bodies even work like that). With the opposite schedules (and the bronchitis), we won’t be able to actually get to push each other. I might have to start over with my running (to be fair, I had only started week 2, so I won’t be losing a lot of progress). Now, we will still be exercising, but we won’t be able to do what we were planning. Booooo, but what the fuck ever. We will still push forward!

I still weigh in and do measurements tomorrow. I feel thinner, but I have felt thinner and actually wasn’t before. So, we shall see! I am hopeful! I have definition on my legs that I haven’t had before, and my arms and stomach seem smaller. Won’t know anything for sure until tomorrow. I will probably do a short update tomorrow night about that. :3


Is this the hard part?

I’ve been feeling…well, less up to everything than normal. I am very adamant about watching what I eat still, but I cannot get myself to exercise. I have not been feeling good after I exercise at all like I used to.

For some reason that I cannot explain, I am in a lot of pain. The only thing I can think of what has changed was that I got a new water bottle from my roommate that I cannot drink out of well… Maybe I have been having less water? I have no idea, because it feels to me like I am still drinking enough water. After working out, my muscles hurt a lot more than they used to. I get enough sleep and I feel like I worked out entirely too much the night before, even if I didn’t. It’s been happening for the past 4 days now.

Just to be safe, I took a pregnancy test today (for those that don’t remember, I have an IUD – checking for pregnancy is vital). It came out negative, which is what I was expecting, but now I don’t know what else could be wrong. There are spots on my back that feel wrong and the only thing I can find out about the pain is possible herniated discs. I have 3 spots that give me trouble, and they have been way worse than normal. I haven’t had a day where I DIDN’T have a headache for 3 days now. My leg muscles feel weak or torn or overworked at different points in the day. It all seems so random that I don’t think I can figure out what is happening. Maybe some of my other weight loss friends can help me? I am pretty sure that the headache might be related to a toothache, but my teeth really don’t hurt all that often or coincide much with the location of the pain.

I did lose weight this week! At first, I didn’t. I gained weight. Just over 2 pounds. I was depressed about that Saturday. My waist and ribs went down on measurements, but that was it. At least I didn’t gain there again. On Saturday, before I ate, I decided it might be a good idea to weigh myself again. I had ended up losing 3.6 lbs. I am not sure what it was, but that made me feel good. Yesterday in itself was a really shitty day, but at least I lost weight, and more than I thought I had gained this past week. Well, whatever, moving on.

I really want to be under 220 when I go to California. I don’t know how feasible that will be. I have been stuck between 230 and 225 for months now, even after adjusting caloric intake and exercise. It just makes me feel very much like I’ve hit a brick wall. I am not giving up, not after everything I have done. I just don’t know what else I can do to try to shock my system or even make my body stop hurting. If any of you have suggestions, those of you that have been where I am, please let me know what you did! I might have either tried it, but if I haven’t, I just might…


Back on the saddle!

Started tracking again on Saturday. Had a birthday party to go to for my little cousins, so I ended up eating more than 1000 calories OVER my limit, but I expected that. I know I had been doing bad, but holy fuck that is bad. Anyway, have been under for yesterday and today (so far). Yesterday, Chris forced me out and had me do a lot of things that I didn’t like doing.

Seriously, I haven’t done heavy cardio things for at least a couple months. It was pretty bad. Suicides, burpees, jumps (I JUMPED LIKE A RABBIT FOREVER, GUISE), jumping jacks (loooool, srsly my tits hate those), and kick boxing/sparring with the husband. PLUS some logic puzzles. Then I went into the pool.

Today, I went and “swam” for 40 minutes. I can’t get my hair wet with chlorinated water right now since I just dyed it, but I ran up and down the length of the pool and did kicks. I. Am. Sore. We’re still going to the gym, too. I am hoping to lose a good amount of weight this week. :D

I raised my calories to 2000 for now. I will probably drop them back down in a little while.

Anyway! Everything has been going good. New place is kind of awesome. Only slightly. ;) We are seriously encouraging our new roommates to lose weight and exercise, and they love it. They needed the extra push, and that’s what we’re doing. It makes me feel good to be able to help people do all this shit. Also, one roommate has a gluten intolerance, so we’re learning new recipes! The bad part of that is that gluten-free items tend to be more processed. But! I don’t have to eat it! :D

New post probably at the end of the week. I didn’t measure last week, so I will end up switching the weeks that I do that on. I’ll start it back up this week.

Drama drama drama…

…and info on my weigh in on Friday. I only lost 0.2 lbs last week, but I noticed my scale said a 1% drop in body fat, so I am okay with it all (Chris lost 1.6 lbs, and expects to be below 310 again this week). Also, my wedding band is continually having issues with staying on, lol. Walking in the morning seems to be helping me out with my weight loss stuff, even without me exercising at the gym regularly.


I have felt something off about our current roommate since I met her. I ignore those kinds of things most of the time, especially at first. I have social anxiety, that must be the problem. These people are normal, not out to get me. Well, these feelings never went away. There are people at work that I have known for less time and am WAY more comfortable around. This should have been a sign.

We are being kicked out of our place. We have until August 27th, but we plan on being out 2 weeks before that, maybe one. I came home Thursday night to a note posted on the wall giving us notice; two days before, everything was just fine. The straw that broke the camel’s back? We washed the dishes wrong. I wish I were fucking joking. I have a specific way I wash the dishes and I get super annoyed when they aren’t done that way. Do I freak out and start attacking people because of it? No. I let it roll off my back and understand that not everyone does dishes the exact way I do. It isn’t that fucking hard, at all. Everyone isn’t going to cater to me, I get over it. I don’t do well with passive-aggressive notes. They are REALLY condescending and patronizing. I hate it. Thursday and Friday, the living area were COVERED with them. This just made everything worse.

I was understandably upset at first on Thursday. I had to take a sleeping pill to calm down and sleep, and even then, I slept like ass. Chris came home and immediately went to bed only to be woken up by our roommate an hour later to bitch about me. She explained how she hated the hostile living environment (yet made it worse by kicking us out without talking to us). She said it doesn’t feel like her home anymore (though we never actively told her to go away ever). She explained that she hated picking up after us (except she rarely did). She went off on a few scenarios that never happened, exploded at Chris, then would apologize and start bawling. She is unhinged. We are so incredibly happy to be leaving now, and completely understand why her other roommates left.

It’s super uncomfortable now. I haven’t not had a panic attack since Thursday night. I’ve puked from adrenaline after seeing more notes around. After leaving a note of my own, she threatened to kick us out earlier (thanks to the internet for reminding me to keep the written notification safe because that is legally binding). Apparently, she can leave all the notes she wants, but when someone retaliates, they’re “not respecting” her. Chris talked her down. Seriously. Fucking. Insane. He also told her to stop leaving notes around everywhere because without her being there, it just makes it worse. So, we’re not allowed to talk to each other at all now. It is for the best. I will keep to the room. We’re even going to move all of our stuff to our room to give her ALL the house back.

We found a place to live immediately. A friend of ours opened her home to us, and we plan on moving asap. We’re making sure everything is packed ahead of time like normal. I would like to be able to be calm. I don’t know how to calm down without alcohol or pot. Breathing, distractions, consciously trying to calm myself down doesn’t help at all. I hate it. I have had anxiety in one form or another since the shootings in Aurora on the 20th. It’s frustrating. I am hoping this move will make me calm.

We had a few bumps, but we thought that everything was fine. We hate moving, and was hoping this would be the last place we lived in until I went into the military. It’s fucking ridiculous is what it is.

*sigh*I feel better after writing this. Lorien was right that it would help to vent. I didn’t even vent everything I wanted to, and I feel so much better. And after exercising tonight, I expect to feel even better.

Promised “nakie” pictures.

I promised you guys pictures last weekend. I don’t have terrific ones, but I think back and realize that most people don’t. To get the right views, I had to use a picture from December, which is about a month after I really started, and I was much lighter already than when I state my start weight was. I wish I had better progress pictures, but here they are.

Bwahahaha, I am fat.


Yes, same sports bra (haha, not stretching it to nearly SEE THROUGH) and same shorts.

So, this is 33 lbs down between the dates. I do wish Chris ended up taking the 12/10 pictures more straight on me, but obviously can’t change that now, lol. You can’t see my back very well in the side picture, but you can definitely tell that my ass has gone down, and you can tell the rest of the fat on my back has dropped quite a bit, too. The hilarious thing is that my arms don’t look smaller because they are entirely too proportionate to the rest of my body. And you can’t see my legs, which have REALLY changed over the course of this whole thing.

I didn’t realize how much my boobs had gone down. I have noticed how much my waist has gone in, but my hips really don’t seem that much different to me. My neck has a huge difference. I really never thought I would end up posting things like this until I saw them last week-ish and realized that I HAVE changed.

I am oddly proud of this. I know I’m not there fully, but I am getting there. I’m already in way better shape than any female my size. And I just keep getting better. Yesterday, I forgot to mention it, but I did a mile on the elliptical in 15 minutes. I can probably run a mile in less than that now. I leg press 210. I will be going up on weight for my barbell workout. So much progress, and that makes me happy. :3

What do you mean this was a bad idea?

Chris and I went in today for our third day of exercising in a row. This was the first time we had done it.

Oh, it wasn’t a good idea.

Yesterday, we worked out just fine. And it felt great. Today, while we weren’t super sore, our muscles were super weak, and we just couldn’t get through anything. We lowered the weight on most things (minus leg presses for me, I upped those to 210 today). We did HALF of the exercises we normally do. And then my hamstring decided 8.5 minutes into cardio on the elliptical that it wasn’t having any of it. We took that as a sign (though Chris went to 10 full minutes) and stopped exercising for the day. We ended up being fully done an entire hour before we normally are. So we went to the store and bought some foods to eat.

It wasn’t a great workout. I’m not sad that we tried at all, but am very happy that we had the foresight to stop instead of push through and injure ourselves. We were supposed to be going to the gym tomorrow, too, but I don’t think we will be after what happened today. Instead, we’ll have 3 days off (with some walking at the park this weekend in the 90 degree weather), and then we will be back to the Monday-Wednesday-Friday workouts we were doing.

I convinced Chris to let me take his measurements! He’s been pretty much…head in the ground about the whole thing. He doesn’t want to see how bad he is. I finally told him that it will only get better, and that he likes numbers and should be tracking them for when the scale lies. He’s finally agreed to it, and we’ll be doing them on the same day, so there is no worry about it not getting done! :) He really is thinning out. He can almost fit shirts he was fitting into when we first started dating. :) For those not in the know, that was almost 9 years ago. I am super proud of him right now.

I seem to be getting good muscle built up. I am eating more which means I am burning more at rest. It’s really jarring to have that happen when you’re trying to lose weight, but you really do have to listen to your body when it needs the fuel. I have a few signs I look out for and some tricks to make sure those signs aren’t from boredom.

In just over a week, I start my new job with Chris. There are huge downsides to it all. My class starts at 6 am, and the buses here don’t start running until 5:42 am. :( Because of that, I have to actually walk to the mall about a mile away every morning to catch a bus that goes right by the building. I have to be up at 3:30 am to eat breakfast, get ready, and have enough time to walk over there and catch the right bus. Chris works swing shift. This means that we won’t see each other during the weeks I am in training. It is going to suck giant balls, but we’ll get through it. He’s going to try to be at work around the time I go to lunch, so we’ll get to see each other then, and on weekends, since we’ll both have them off. I am worried about him eating breakfast, since that’s one of his biggest downfalls. :\ Blah, I have faith we’ll get through it all. :3

Update tomorrow with weigh in and measurements! Actually kind of excited for this week. :3

Farmers market and late weigh in post.

So, I did gain this week, but it was only by a half a pound. I feel better, though, and that’s all that matters to me right now.

Today we went to the Beaverton Farmers Market. I love that place. We got a lot of really good things (including breakfast, yum). We got a dozen duck eggs (first time we’re trying them, we’re excited), asparagus, strawberries, another red onion (the one we got last week was just so good), honey (along with some honey-stix, love those), zucchini, strawberry-rhubarb  jam, chocolate milk, fresh crab meat, and spinach leaves. All organic, all local.

Sorry, my hipster is showing.

I had a nutella, banana, whip cream crepe for breakfast. Chris had a set of 3 pork tacos (that were SO good). I also had an organic mango tea that was just perfect.

We have some gouda, and we’re getting ready to make some scrambles with the duck eggs, gouda, crab meat, and spinach. We just made some homemade bread that we’re going to have the strawberry-rhubarb jam on. The chocolate milk is some of the CREAMIEST milk I have ever tasted, so we HAD to get a quart. We’re going to drink the crap out of that!

I am so in love with what we’ve been doing. I haven’t felt sad at all since I’ve been here, and it just makes me so happy that I feel this way right now. Happy makes me happy, lol. Life really is just perfect right now. It can get better, but it slowly is. :3

Full gym day, what?

Holy crap, today’s gym day was awesome. I learned that if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s cardio! Weights are fun, and I am doing them to build up and tone out my muscles, but I am sure glad I have done a lot of cardio work.

I did 22 minutes today on the elliptical (Chris could only do 15 minutes on the bike – CATCH UP, OLD MAN), and a full body work out on the weights. Did the elliptical last, followed by stretches. It was seriously one of the best sweats I have ever had. I didn’t do as well calorie burning wise as if I were doing some tae bo or kickboxing, but I did some really good stuff. My heart never once felt like it was going to punch out of my chest, and I didn’t run out of breath at all. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

I really like the gym now. I’m not self conscious anymore, even though I was one of the larger girls there. I worked hard, kept my form up, and no one stared at me at all. It was quite liberating. I don’t feel like the fat girl there just trying another diet. I feel like someone who has worked her ass off, quite literally, for the past 7 months and is ready to step it up. I love it.

This post is short. There will be another post on Friday with weigh in and my workout then. For now, READING. ….and YDKJ on FB. >.>

Where did this week go?

I have been here for over a week now. We did SO much this past week, and I am really not sure how we fit it all in (twss).

Shit, I can hardly remember half the stuff we did, rofl!

Today, I went to the gym. This is the first time in forever, and the first time I worked out with good weights. Not to say what I was doing before wasn’t helping, but it wasn’t enough. Found out my limit for several things, but not everything. I kind of planned incorrectly and didn’t have enough time on my bus transfer to stay for very long, so we had to leave early. The hilarious thing was that we didn’t feel like a half an hour was enough for us. Well, we’ll be changing up the bus route on Wednesday; we’ll be there not only earlier, but I will be either buying a day pass or bringing enough to buy another transfer when we leave. That way, we can leave almost an hour later! Get strength and cardio in.

I have upped my calorie intake during the day to 1700, that way I can eat up to that much if I have to and feel wonderful about it. I am going to try to not go over it too much if I exercise, though. I want to keep that my base and let the exercise be the extra that I burn so that I can lose weight faster. At least, this is the plan. I believe I have built up enough muscle over the course of everything that my body needs that much anyway. Pretty sure I am burning more calories at rest.

Gym plan will be weights for toning and some strength; lower weight and higher reps to make sure that I am working those muscles, but not bulking them up. I will be doing everything I can to make sure that I can do the minimum of requirements to graduate boot camp (BEFORE I go), as well, but that isn’t a focus right now. (Side note: I should probably email that recruiter…) After I do a full body work, there will be 20 minutes of cardio with good resistance on an elliptical. I am excited about that. I have wanted an elliptical for some time, and this is just rather convenient right now. Buying one is so impractical right now as we won’t be in one place for very long, and really don’t want to fucking move it right now, lol. I am really excited about upping my level of activity with strength training.

I can currently curl 35 lbs, overhead tricep 25 lbs, ab twist 50 lbs (go torso muscles), and leg press 135 lbs. Not bad for a fatty who has done everything on her own for 7 months! That’s all we were able to do today, and I will lower those numbers so I can do more reps on Wednesday. Always good to know your cap at the time, though! I want to work on building my leg muscles with squats and cardio still, but those leg presses are good for strength.

Really, really excited to get everything going there (I said it three times, that makes is super serial, right?). Changing it all up again will jolt my body again, and building my muscles up a little will definitely help with burning fat, especially if I try to not eat over 1700 calories. I am super proud of where my life is heading, and all mostly because I just decided to start exercising. :3

No more days for now, but terrific news!

First, I have been here less than a week, and I have a job. It doesn’t start until July, but I totally have an offer, and I will be starting with the next class.

Details: It’s with Chris at Stream. I’ll be doing the basic, general tech support for Xbox. Super easy job, super easy commute, and with the man I love again. We’ll be making essentially double what we are now, and most of what I make will go towards “splurging” (what little we actually splurge on) and savings for the ceremony. SO freaking awesome, really. :D I am excited to start. Especially since it means that I get to have my awesome hair colors (I totally interviewed with pink hair!).

Second! I lost weight this week…after gaining weight. Well, ish. I changed back to the scale I was originally weighing myself with, and it is all sorts of fucked up right now. So, I went back to 38 lbs lost (since I started My Fitness Pal). I lost 2.2 lbs since then, so I am good about it. I am on the right track to continuing to lose weight. And I did my measurements today, which was a loss almost everywhere!

  • Neck: 15.5 (0)
  • Bust: 47.5 (0)
  • Ribs: 38.0 (-0.25)
  • Waist: 46.0 (-1)
  • Hips: 50.25 (-0.25)

I am super proud of it all, as I should be. We haven’t been able to buy weights yet, but we have been walking SO much all week that it really hasn’t mattered. We have talked with someone from LA Fitness last week during Chris’ Fitness Month for his work. They have awesome deals, and I’m finally to the point where I can say it isn’t a waste of money right now. I have worked out enough by myself to know that I will use it if I have to, though we’re only planning on getting Chris an account. It allows him up to 2 friends to come in with him, so that really works out well. I’ll be able to use an elliptical and they have punching bags for the both of us! Kind of excited. We go to see the gym itself on Sunday.

Third! I am finally ready to announce that I will be going into the Air Force. Or, well, trying to. I know that right now I am too fat to go in. I still have to lose 60 more lbs before I can get into anything, but that should be easier here soon. All I need to be is under 170, and I am about to adjust everything that I need to again so that I can lose properly. I am really excited about this. I am not going in for a career, but to help boost my chances at being a cop. Two years of military service looks excellent on a resume to be a police officer, and that is my ultimate goal. I am still really excited about being a cop, and cannot wait at all for the chance to become one.

That all being said, life has gone entirely too smoothly recently, and I am waiting for something to just blow right up in my face. Chris and I have had a really terrible past couple of years. The fact that having this plan and everything actually WORKING OUT makes me feel like something bad is going to happen. That doesn’t mean it will, but I am severely cautious right now. I love it when things go my way. It’s really rare. I am extremely happy it all is working out, and really cannot wait for my life to begin! :3

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