19 pounds down in less than 2 months.

Yes, people, that is right! I never thought I would lose so much so fast. I’ve almost lost 10% of my original weight in these2 months alone! That is MASSIVE (and I was massive).

I lost 6.2 pounds this week, pretty much confirming that my hormones are pretty normal and my PCOS might be under control now. That makes me super happy. I might attribute it to also doing 2 hours of tae bo last Saturday, lol. Maybe I will attempt that again sometime next week.

I pulled my groin muscle yesterday during tae bo (I have pulled it several times over the past 9 years). Exercise is going to be light for a few days, maybe even none. I will be doing some walking for sure. Might even walk up and down the hill here a few times if it doesn’t bother my foot too much (which is seriously hating shoes again, but I think it’s because I try to walk too normal).

I am excited for my husband to see me in less than 2 weeks. I’ve lost so much that I can see massive differences in from when I started.

So, more comparison photos!

This was back in September before I REALLY started to lose weight (man, I miss Portland so much).

And this is me within the last couple weeks, almost the same position.

It’s kind of amazing when you compare where the back of my neck is compared to my ear, lmao. OBVIOUS face fat is gone. More defined line from my neck to my shoulder…

And I plan on getting smaller and smaller. :D


Goal reward and weird weight loss…

I watch The Biggest Loser. It makes me cry. Pretty hard sometimes. I struggle with a lot of what they struggle with, as do most overweight people. I’m an empathetic person, too, so I tend to feel heartbreak when I see it.

They went to Hawaii this week to battle the excuse “I can’t lose weight while on vacation”.

Guys, I think I’m in love.

I have seen things from Hawaii, and they never really hit me. Then I see it on Biggest Loser. It’s beautiful. THE WATER IS CLEAR. I want to do things that I never thought I would have wanted to do before; learn to surf, hike up a fucking volcano, SNORKELING, and visiting the Pearl Harbor Memorial.

I haven’t had a goal size reward planned yet. I didn’t think that far ahead. I figured, “Hey, getting pregnant and raising a family is rewarding enough, right?” Well, I decided that going to Hawaii when I get to my goal size will be my reward.

And notice I said size, not weight. I can be at my goal weight (which is 160) and still not be the size I want to be (which is a 12, and I’m even thinking 8 or 10 now).

Now, I’ve never been outside of the continental United States. I have never seen ocean so clean you can see your feet 5 ft down. I’ve never wanted to go somewhere that I can wear a bikini everywhere and not get weird looks for. I’ve been so obsessed with how much I hate myself and that must mean that everyone else hates me just as much. I don’t want to see myself in a bathing suit, who the hell else would want to? Now I am at a point where I can think, “Holy fuck, I will be skinny enough to not only look good, but might even get stared at with the curves I have naturally.” This is a good place. I am still big, but now I can plan for when I am skinny. So, Hawaii it is.

The downside is that I want it to be something Chris and I do before children, so we have to put them off. However, it will be considered our last “hurrah”, and we will try immediately after.

My stomach is losing weight now. I think I only posted about this on Twitter. The sides of my stomach in between my obliques and upper abs have been losing weight, and it’s making me look odd. Not complaining about losing the weight, just more that it isn’t consistent all over my belly, lol.

My neck is skinnier, my shoulders are looking thinner, I have to constantly tighten my pajama pants. I am really happy with my weight loss right now.

I am kind of happy as a whole emotionally. I get to see my husband in 2 weeks, and that gives me something to look forward to. Especially since he hasn’t seen me in 2 months and he gets to see how much weight I’ve lost!

Now, I get to fix my keyboard on my laptop that I broke last week! *whoosh*

And the belly fat begins its fading…

I started tae bo some time last week. It kicked my ass. Then it stopped kicking my ass.

Friday, I drank so much that I decided to do 2 hours of tae bo. A feat of will power when I only had 5 hours of sleep and still woke up drunk, lol. Honestly, I did an hour and 45 minutes of work and managed to not die. In fact, I was hardly sore yesterday!

And yesterday was when I noticed the big change in my belly. I’ve noticed recently that there’s a bit on the sides of my abs, but before my obliques, that have been thinning out. The big blog over my pelvis, though? Not shrinking. So it’s doing this weird dip on my stomach. However, it’s also all starting to do that uber flabby fat thing that I’ve noticed happening in other places before. This makes me excited. It means I will be losing more weight in my stomach shortly.

Tae bo works me out hard, and I love it. I was able to get through 40 minutes today before having to stop, but only because my muscles didn’t want to lift up anymore! Stupid muscles fighting me. So I did my stretches (and counted my warm up) and still managed to get 55 minutes of exercise today. Not bad…

I am excited about my belly going in. It’s gone in a bit, but not noticeably so for me. I have pants that are size 18/20 now that I fit and that makes me really excited. They are stretching, though. More loss will be very good for me.

I can see my collar bones! Holy crap, I didn’t realize how much you couldn’t see them. And I’m able to see more parts of my body that I couldn’t before (“I don’t remember that mole being there…huh…”). All this progress just makes me excited to do more. :D

Up in weight, down in size

Well, sort of. I am going to say my 0.4 pound gain isn’t really a gain. I am okay with this.

However, it’s also measurement day! Yay! I love measurement day. :3 I have dropped a bit in places. Some places I am sad about (pretty sure I’m losing my ass…).

  • Neck: 16 (-1)
  • Bust: 48.5 (-0.5)
  • Ribs: 40 (-0.5)
  • Waist: 50.5 (no change)
  • Hips: 51.5 (-1.5)

I am fairly proud of this, minus my hips. I’ve convinced myself that it’s my butt going away, and I like my butt. :\ I am certain that there was no loss because I was exercising heavily this week and my fat and muscle just balanced each other out. I’d be exercising more if it weren’t for sore muscles that I don’t want to injure more. I didn’t go over my calories once this week, and made sure to add in everything I could.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day and I plan on drinking. Not heavily, but a few drinks. :)

In 3 weeks, my husband will be here, and I will be happy for two days. :3

I have been hovering around 240. This is annoying me. I just need to lose 3 lbs by the end of the month so that I will meet my goal. That shouldn’t be so hard, right? It apparently seems to be! :\

Now, I’m going to go take a picture of outside. It’s snowing and the flakes are huge! :D

Let’s talk about food.

I have lots of friends that are trying to lose weight. Most everyone I know wishes that they could lose some form of weight.

I have lots of friends that are attempting to lose weight in the worst possible way ever.

This has been aggravating me. The main reason why anyone gains weight is because of the way they eat. Not because they’re inactive or because they indulge every once in a while. How you eat determines how you will lose weight.

For instance, a McDonald’s bacon burger with no bun and no cheese is 420 calories. You can make a bun-less burger at home for less than the price of that (once you figure out the cost of an individual burger from a set of meat and seasonings) and about a quarter of the calories. And it will taste about 10 times better! Can even add a bun and cheese on that and it still be less than 420 calories. A healthy “breakfast bar” is around 230 calories (depending on the type you get). You can have oatmeal or Cream of Wheat for almost half the calories, and be fuller for longer. Exercising and then having a treat is good, but not if it’s half of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Giant Egg. That’s 440 calories right there, and 50 carbs of almost pure sugar.

Tracking what I eat has taught me a lot of things. The main thing is that convenience and horrible food choices go hand in hand. It was not easy getting to where I am now, and even I slip up and have shitty days, or sometimes weeks. But when you are trying to lose weight, I don’t get how you can’t realize what you’re doing is HURTING your progress. It took me a long time to get to this point, though.

I don’t eat healthy 100% of the time. I do crave chocolate and sugar. Instead of having the entirety of something, I have half of it, or even a quarter of it. You have to consciously make these decisions. If you want to make yourself better, don’t start with exercising first. Start with how you eat first. Change things slowly over time instead of all at once. Track everything you eat so you know exactly what is going into you. Don’t make blind decisions at a restaurant and assume that the salad is healthy (most of the time, it’s just as bad as the horrible shit on the menu). Look at everything, calculate everything, make sure you know what you are putting in your body. This has been proven time and time again that it’s the sure-fire way to lose weight. And try to eat less box things. I know it’s harder to do on a budget, but it’s still doable, even if you have to buy frozen veggies and fruit. If you don’t make dinner that often, make one meal at home from scratch. Going from that for a couple weeks to box dinners (which we did once) was shocking, because you really just don’t realize the amount of seasoning and sodium that goes into those box dinners to just cover up cardboard. Going from fresh meals to fast food will show you that you prefer to season your own meals and cook everything YOUR way.

Fads don’t work long term. What you need to be doing is a lifestyle change, not a short-term adjustment. I am not dieting, I am changing the way I eat. Exercising and then not eating the proper foods after is just going to hurt you in the long run. Eating foods that you think are healthier when they really aren’t is hurting you. Change how you eat first, then focus on exercising.


(Side note and edit: Alcohol really is your worst enemy. Calories and empty carbs. When tracking your food, remember to track your alcohol, too.)


I have spent the past month trying to figure out exactly what I can do to replace kick boxing with my husband. Nothing seemed to work or even come to mind.


I don’t know if I dreamed about it or the thought just slammed me in the face when I woke up. I thought of Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo videos, and that I had tried to do them when I started this blog and failed miserably. Like, got 9 minutes in and already took 2 breaks.

So, with my epiphany, I went and got a few videos, including basics for stances and then the classic video. It’s really a great workout. I got through the basic which was just about 15 minutes, and then 20 minutes of the fast-pace video. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I got through 35 minutes of straight tae bo before I was having horrible breathing problems, felt overheated, and needed to rest.

I am actually quite proud of this! It burns a lot, too, since it’s mostly only cardio. Helps tone as well. And I felt amazing during it.

Not going to try it every day since it is so intense, but I will try again in 2 days.

I really am proud of myself.

More loss!

Not much of a loss this week, but since I have a broken toe and all, 2.2 pounds is nothing to scoff at. :)

I am losing weight easier. I am losing the toning of my muscles, but not losing my muscles, so that’s good. I am doing stuff to keep my muscles from getting too bad. I am really thinking that my hormones are finally balancing out, though.

I realized a few days ago or something that I now weigh less than when I was diagnosed with PCOS. I think I was 247 when I was diagnosed, but I can’t remember properly. I know I will be in the safe zone when I lose about 20 more pounds. As soon as I can see an OB, I will make sure that I get my blood work done so they can see where I am with my A1C, glucose, and testosterone. Also, will probably have an ultrasound to see my ovaries (which will for sure tell me how my PCOS is).

I am typing this as I dye my hair blonde. We’ll see how it comes out. My husband oddly wants me super blonde…

I really have nothing else to talk about today…

OH. I guess I do. I have been noticing more getting thin on me. The only thing that I don’t notice as well is my stomach. However, my legs are thinner since I came out to Klamath Falls, my back is losing lots of fat, and I noticed my jawline a little more yesterday. :)

This all makes me happy.

Now, for breakfast! Then some exercising because I need to get it done, yo. :)

Let’s start over, eh?

So, after my post yesterday, I realized that I am kind of slipping. And by kind of, I mean really slipping. It happened so gradually that I didn’t even notice it.

Few more carbs.

More alcohol.


Less exercise.

I realized that I have to stop letting myself do this again. Jump back on. I wasn’t doing BAD, but I wasn’t doing as good as I was. Here’s the plan.

I’m going to watch what I eat again. I did yesterday and came out good. Even turned down alcohol and a second helping of dinner (which I had been taking). I will be doing the chair exercises, regardless of how ridiculous I think I look (stupid anxiety and over-thinking). And I will completely rest my toe because I want it to get better faster. I have it taped up now. It still doesn’t like to be flat on the ground, so I’m going to keep it elevated for a while. I am entering recipes that are not in My Fitness Pal the way that I do them so that my calories are accurate. Doing that will make sure that I know where I actually am and am accountable for everything I eat (I only just discovered the recipe function where you enter in ingredients and it does the math for you…).

I need to lose more weight before my husband gets here in a month. And I want to lose another 30 lbs before I get back to him. I am pretty confident that I can do that. I’ve been losing an average of 7.5 lbs a month right now. I think I can lose another 30 by the end of July!

While I’m not really starting over, I am picking myself back up off the floor. Goal for the end of the month is going to be 5 lbs lost from yesterday’s weigh in. I believe that to be attainable.

Now, to put it in my calendar so I have a reminder to post about it at the end of this month. :D


…and I know how to use it!

No, really, I do.

Some of you might remember my measurements I was taking almost 2 months ago (god, have I really been this lazy…). I was using a string, that was kind of stretchy, and putting that on a regular tape measure. Not quite accurate, but I had made it work, mostly.

So, I am starting my measurements from THIS entry now, since I know that they are accurate. They are as follows:

  • Neck: 17
  • Bust: 49
  • Ribs: 40.5
  • Waist: 50.5
  • Hips: 53

I gained 3.2 lbs this week, making me JUST AT my 10% weight loss goal. That’s slightly depressing. I will have to work hard to lose weight again.

Oh, right. Broken toe (which, we’ve pretty much confirmed it is…).

This is a bump in the road, and I know I can get around it, but I can’t do the things that help me lose weight quickly. Time to find ways to exercise that doesn’t include my feet.

We did, last night. Well, my lovely husband did. YouTube videos for high energy exercises that you do in an office chair. Pretty freaking awesome if you tell me. I’m worried about a couple of them because they have you lift your knee up, but I am fairly confident I can lift my knee up without using my toes thanks to kick boxing.

I miss kick boxing so much. It’s not offered anywhere here.

So, I have up to 4 weeks of not heavily using my toes, which means 4 weeks of no hiking. Tomorrow I am taping up my toe. I injured it again last night while getting a Coke Zero, put all my weight on the foot, so I want to have one more day of it being elevated without being taped up. I’ll probably still keep it elevated while it’s taped, but we’ll see how I feel.

I am quite discouraged by this injury. All I want to do is eat all the shitty stuff that I do to make myself feel better. I feel useless. I miss everything. And now I can’t go hiking, which I love to do, because I ran into the fucking couch. I believe it sent my depression spiraling. I am hoping the exercises my husband found will help keep me active. I’ve lost a lot of tone (but not really muscle), so I feel kind of like I’ve given up on myself, even though that’s not the case.

Sorry for the kind of downer post. I’m really not happy with myself, and it’s kind of hard to pump myself up when all I feel is self-loathing. Now I need to figure out how to get out of this without gaining ALL the weight. Need to stay over my 10% weight lost blip. I don’t know if I can handle going back up right now. :\

Well, this happened…

I am about 90% sure I broke my pinky toe yesterday. The other 10% says jammed or dislocated, but everything doesn’t quite match up with those.

No, I will not go to the ER. With no insurance, all they will do is tell me they can’t cast the toe anyway and send me on my way with a $2,000 bill for xrays. :\ I broke a toe on the same foot when I was 11, and that’s all the doctor told me then, too.

I walked into a couch. A couch that is pretty solid. With only my pinky toe. Unlike most people, though, a string of profanities did not come out of my mouth. No, when I get injured, I’m fairly quiet about the whole thing. Which kind of shocked my step dad, seeing as I say ‘fuck’ every other sentence when I speak.

I have the mouth of a sailor.

Well, what that means is that I have to stay off of my feet for at least 3 days. Ice, rest, elevation. This really sucks because I was planning on shoveling snow over the next couple days, but can’t now! I also can’t go hiking for at least 2 weeks.


This sucks. /sigh

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