What do you mean this was a bad idea?

Chris and I went in today for our third day of exercising in a row. This was the first time we had done it.

Oh, it wasn’t a good idea.

Yesterday, we worked out just fine. And it felt great. Today, while we weren’t super sore, our muscles were super weak, and we just couldn’t get through anything. We lowered the weight on most things (minus leg presses for me, I upped those to 210 today). We did HALF of the exercises we normally do. And then my hamstring decided 8.5 minutes into cardio on the elliptical that it wasn’t having any of it. We took that as a sign (though Chris went to 10 full minutes) and stopped exercising for the day. We ended up being fully done an entire hour before we normally are. So we went to the store and bought some foods to eat.

It wasn’t a great workout. I’m not sad that we tried at all, but am very happy that we had the foresight to stop instead of push through and injure ourselves. We were supposed to be going to the gym tomorrow, too, but I don’t think we will be after what happened today. Instead, we’ll have 3 days off (with some walking at the park this weekend in the 90 degree weather), and then we will be back to the Monday-Wednesday-Friday workouts we were doing.

I convinced Chris to let me take his measurements! He’s been pretty much…head in the ground about the whole thing. He doesn’t want to see how bad he is. I finally told him that it will only get better, and that he likes numbers and should be tracking them for when the scale lies. He’s finally agreed to it, and we’ll be doing them on the same day, so there is no worry about it not getting done! :) He really is thinning out. He can almost fit shirts he was fitting into when we first started dating. :) For those not in the know, that was almost 9 years ago. I am super proud of him right now.

I seem to be getting good muscle built up. I am eating more which means I am burning more at rest. It’s really jarring to have that happen when you’re trying to lose weight, but you really do have to listen to your body when it needs the fuel. I have a few signs I look out for and some tricks to make sure those signs aren’t from boredom.

In just over a week, I start my new job with Chris. There are huge downsides to it all. My class starts at 6 am, and the buses here don’t start running until 5:42 am. :( Because of that, I have to actually walk to the mall about a mile away every morning to catch a bus that goes right by the building. I have to be up at 3:30 am to eat breakfast, get ready, and have enough time to walk over there and catch the right bus. Chris works swing shift. This means that we won’t see each other during the weeks I am in training. It is going to suck giant balls, but we’ll get through it. He’s going to try to be at work around the time I go to lunch, so we’ll get to see each other then, and on weekends, since we’ll both have them off. I am worried about him eating breakfast, since that’s one of his biggest downfalls. :\ Blah, I have faith we’ll get through it all. :3

Update tomorrow with weigh in and measurements! Actually kind of excited for this week. :3


Day 18: My last exercise day in Klamath Falls

Today seems super surreal. I am leaving Klamath Falls Saturday morning (at an UNGODLY hour, fuck).

I exercised. I forced myself to. It is super hot, and all I wanted to do was start packing. But I had to exercise. It wasn’t going to take all day to exercise, but it will take most of the day to get off my ass and pack my stuff up. Exercised, showered, and already have one bag packed completely.

I am impressed with how much I shoved into the first suitcase. I have two duffle bags that need to be filled, too, and I will easily do that. Going to pack up everything I can tonight after my laundry is done so I really don’t have much I need to do tomorrow!

I am going to miss my mom and Ian. I love having a good relationship with them. I miss my husband more, though, and I miss Portland more.

I will be doing one more post before I leave for my weigh in tomorrow. I feel skinnier today. Hopefully alcohol consumption tonight doesn’t throw that off tomorrow morning, lol!

The day that I nearly died…


As most of you know, I am not living with my husband. We aren’t separated by much of a choice, and you can read a lot about what happened here. It’s been really hard on us, and we didn’t realize how much we depended on each other.

The beginning of last month, Chris came out and visited me. It was fun, happy, and such a recharge to us that we haven’t been as depressed since. The week after Chris came out, his current roommate went up to Seattle for a job interview. We had no idea what this would entail with living situation, so we waited it out. Dan ended up getting the job up in Seattle and talked with Chris. He decided he wanted to rent the entire house out, and it was too much for Chris to afford; Chris would need to find a different place to live. He had a month (by June 1st) to figure this out.

We jumped on it immediately. Him having to move out must be word from the gods saying I can go back home. We spent weeks trying to find a place that would take us and our minimal amount of money. It got to the point that we were clicking on everything and weeding out the ones that said “no pets” or “no couples”, and just emailed everyone that didn’t have those listed. Lots of no replies, a lot of other refusals for couples. We decided to make a pleading Craigslist post listing what the situation was, that we had a cat, and the time frame we would need it by.

I got back several hits.

One was from a guy named Dave who owned a house on the bus line (and near a high school, a Shari’s, and the farmers market up north Beaverton/Portland). Cool, we set up a meeting time with him. Another was from a girl named Iliana (Illi, as she liked to be called) who had an apartment on the bus line (very close to my cousin in Beaverton, the farmers market in Beaverton, and right next to a park). Chris went to both places this past Saturday to see which one we could choose from.

Both people seemed to genuinely want us, he said. They were both nice, the proximity to things we would need were very similar, and he liked the buildings in general. It came down to the bedrooms. The apartment with Illi had a huge master bedroom with bath that we would be renting. The house with Dave had a small bedroom (smaller than the ones we’re currently in), no attached bathroom, and the bath in the bathroom had no shower (which was a huge minus to Chris). We decided we wanted the apartment, but will keep the house in mind in case we would need a back up; we had to fill out the application for the apartment.

Well, we talked with Illi today, and her manager said that as long as no one “tells” her, we would be able to move in without having to sign the lease. Let me just bold what this means.

I get to go back to my husband NEXT WEEK instead of in August.

I have never been so happy and simultaneously ill at the same time. I don’t want to leave my parents, but I miss my life in Portland, and cannot wait to get back right now. We get an apartment that will let us keep Frankie and with a girl who is so adorable and nerdy and OMG I GET MY HUSBAND BACK.

I haven’t been able to contain myself much with this. I wanted to tell everyone the second I found out I had a chance to go back. But I couldn’t give everyone (and myself) that kind of hope and then it end up not working out. Now I can officially say that I am going back to my husband just before my birthday, and I am so excited I might just fly into space.

Huwhuuuuuuu? Another post?

Yes, people, it’s true. I am doing another post. “Why?” you may ask?

Uh, well, it’s weigh in day, derp. Jeez. You’ve been reading this long and you really have to ask?

I totally lost 6 pounds this week, landing me at 232.2 lbs. Holy fuckballs. I’m almost out of the 230’s, yo! That’s…well…pretty fucking great. Also, it’s measurement day, and I lost some!

  • Neck: 15.5 (-0.5)
  • Bust: 48.5 (no difference)
  • Ribs: 39.5 (-0.5)
  • Waist: 50 (-0.5)
  • Hips: 51 (-0.5)

Even though it’s not much, my ribs are under 40 inches! That’s a bit of a shock. And exciting! I was CONVINCED all week that I had gained a horrendous amount; that I was getting fatter. Which, I guess I can see why I thought my face was getting fatter since I lost weight on my neck (also, when I flex my neck now, I can see VEINS AND TENDONS). So, now that I saw the measurement loss, that makes sense.

Today I started some calisthenics to keep up on myself. I did 10 push ups! Since I can’t use my foot because of the boot, they were only knee push ups, but I DID TEN OF THEM. And then I did the floor ab workouts from my belly dancing videos. It was only 15 minutes of work with stretching, but I felt it. It was bad. I plan on increasing my push ups, which will be done every day, by 5 on Mondays. Not starting this Monday, as I only just started today, but next Monday. I need to keep up on this while I am STILL wearing the boot so that I don’t lose any muscle.

I went over my calories a few times, ate a dozen peanut butter cookies (okay, 11 cookies, over the course of 3 days), did shit for exercising… Guess I just shocked my body or something. Whatever. I ain’t complainin’! Plan on doing my little workouts here and there to keep up on my muscles, but nothing too extravagant while this stupid boot is on.

OH. I totally drank way more water and way less soda/coffee this week, too. So that probably helped. And when I say soda, I mean Coke Zero, because screw those calories. :D

Off to make some more peanut butter cookies (under 100 calories per cookie? fuck. yes). And probably going to make some more tea because holy shit is my husband awesome. He brought some down here for me, and I am IN LOVE with the stuff he brought. :3


….this all seemed quite random. Well, I think I’m hitting an up cycle (finally), so my mind won’t shut up. Sorry if nothing is quite clear in this post….

Well. Almost 2 weeks later!

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I totally did warn you. You really didn’t want anything from me last week anyway. All I could think about was my husband, all I could talk about was my husband. Everything else was completely unimportant to me the entire time. :3

I still have the boot on. I am still not exercising. I am still watching what I eat, well…until this past weekend. I tried to log, saw how bad it was going to be, then ignored it the entire time. I know I did horrible (one breakfast was my entire allotment of calories for one day…ouch), but I also know that I didn’t do as bad as I could have.

I did gain 2 more pounds. That’s annoying. I’m not discouraged by any means, but I am thoroughly annoyed at this broken foot deal. I didn’t wear my boot a lot this weekend because I was driving Chris around everywhere, and the boot is on my right foot. The downside of that is I ended up walking a lot without it. It caused a lot of pain. Not so much that I’m complaining, because I love spending time with my husband. But I should have had him drive so I could wear the boot and not be slowed by having to limp…. Not sure how long I will be wearing it. Since I didn’t wear it this full week, I’m going to wear it another week and see how I feel after that.

I cannot wait for my foot to be healed, because I want to exercise hardcore again. I miss it. The sweat, the way I feel after, it’s all just so amazing. I also dislike gaining weight. I’d rather maintain than gain. I plan on being seriously strict with my calories this week. Taking soda out (again), back to tea and water and a coffee in the  morning. I just really want to maintain my weight instead of gaining it while I have this boot on. I may attempt walking up and down our hill (which is very close to a 9% grade at points, 7% the rest of the time) with the boot on. I WANT to, and with the weather finally warming up here (it’s supposed to be rainy season, but it’s been gorgeous the past few days) it will be easier to walk up and down the hill without having to worry about getting my foot wet. :)

My husband was able to stay longer than we expected, but not because he planned it. If you would like, head on over to his blog to see what happened to him with Amtrak this weekend. We are hoping they fix this issue shortly…

That’s pretty much it. I’m seriously depressed about my husband being gone now, but trying to not let it get the best of me. I’m baking some cookies today to make me feel better (the baking makes me feel better, not the eating of said baking). And I am constantly talking to my husband right now. As depressed as I am about him not being here, I am comfortable in my life, and that’s really all I can ask for until we are together again.

Emo blah blah blah.

This year, in November, Chris and I will be married for 5 years.

For those that don’t know, we got married very randomly. We were in TGIFriday’s, having dinner, talking about moving to Washington (which never happened, obviously). Washington doesn’t view common law marriages as legal, and that’s what I was getting ready to get my benefits as in Colorado. We had been living together for 6 months (together on and off for 4 years), and wanted to make sure that no matter where we went, we would be able to have benefits.

“Wanna get married then?”


And we did. No, seriously. We tried right after that. Went to the courthouse that close 20 minutes before. So, the next day, we went and got our marriage license, then got married at the county clerk by solemnizing ourselves (we didn’t have a judge or a witness help us). I got married in rainbow fuzzy slippers (the link are the ones I was wearing) and yoga pants. It was romantic as fuck in my eyes, and I am super fucking excited that we didn’t have to go through the bullshit of planning and freaking out and omfgwhyareyouputtingthatcolorwiththatcolor. Then we went to my mom’s work and slammed the certificate on her car window while she was taking a nap in it (she was working split shifts and in between shifts she slept…don’t be a jerk, she wasn’t sleeping ON the job….like some of her other coworkers…). All we heard from the car…


Then she proceeded to call my grandmother. “Your oldest granddaughter just got married!”

Yeah. We didn’t think about the rest of the family. The amount of shit we still get for that decision is annoyingly hilarious.

Because of this, we plan on having a ceremony. Shit, Chris and I have been wanting a ceremony for many years. Something small, very small, and kind of a vow renewal. I still want a pretty dress (the amount of dresses you can find on Etsy for an amazing price is AWESOME), and Chris wants to wear a tux…and maybe a kilt. I am still very iffy about that. :\

This is all incredibly long to get to my point. (FUN FACT)

Since we’ll be married 5 years, we both thought that this would be a terrific year to do that sort of thing. I think it kind of snuck up on both of us, really. I won’t be back in his arms until August, and then we’ll be spending all the money we’ve saved up to get a place of our own and build our life back up. I really don’t see anything happening with a ceremony DEEPLY PROFESSING OUR LOVE TO EACH OTHER AND OH GOD GET THE MUSHY OFF OF ME.

This is actually incredibly depressing. It’s not like we aren’t married and aren’t incredibly happy or need to do this to spice up our life. It’s something that we’ve been wanting to do for a few years now to appease our entire family, to make me feel pretty, to have a ceremony story instead of “oh, right, we just skipped everything because we’re kind of lazy”. To be fair, that really is how our relationship is; very spontaneous. I know, grass is greener and all, but I would like a ceremony story, too. And I want Lorien to come out and take awesome pictures of it (because, holy shit, she is the best photographer I know). I want WEDDING PHOTOS. I want both worlds.

What I want most is photos with my husband. Because, seriously, try to find some. It’s actually kind of hard to do. :\

So, that’s what this whole post was about. Me whining about wanting to have a ceremony this year and it’s definitely not going to happen. We’re such big number nerds that doing it any other year than a multiple of 5 would just feel wrong. :< Blargh.


Today has been hard on me.

It’s the first day I haven’t been able to talk to my husband for the majority of the day. Got a little bit of him for an hour. He was productive today. But still no money from the ex-landlord so that he can buy a god damn wireless network card so I can talk to him while he’s at home. Fuck that shit. Seriously.

So, it’s hit me kind of hard that I just can’t up and talk to my husband when I want to tonight. Pretty hard. And then fucking people and their going out and doing shit and being happy with their marriages and together and having money and Valentine’s Day and FUCK YOU ALL FOR NOT BEING MORE SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS ME.

This is what it’s like in my head.

It’s all dumb. It will all pass. And seriously, if any of this gets fucking easier and I stop missing him so much, something is god damn wrong.

It really didn’t fucking help that someone else mentioned adoptable kitties and I was sent into a fucking spiral of OH GOD I MISS MY KITTIES AND FUCKING HELL THRALL AND CAIRNE DID THE CUTEST FUCKING SHIT.

It’s not any easier, hours later, writing this. It’s just as painful. And it probably won’t be any easier with me feeling fucking horrible about having to give them up. I think of them taking them away in their kennel and my chest tightens and my face warms. My poor babies. Cairne (to the right) was adopted almost immediately (AND HOW THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE? HE’S SLEEPING ON HIS GOD DAMN FACE). The website told us that. I haven’t seen anything about Thrall (right and down). A knot sits in my stomach when I think that he doesn’t have a home yet. And that’s horrible, because he was fucking lovey with me (and apparently boxes that he cannot fit into…HE’S CHEAP FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT PLEASE ADOPT MY BABY). He was my baby, and I don’t fucking have him anymore. That is fucking terrible. Almost as bad as one of them dying.

Chris luckily has Frankie (below). She’s really too old to be in a shelter now. At 7 years old, she would have been hard to adopt, despite her fucking adorable face and fluffy fur (“Look at this belly…why wouldn’t you want to rub it? I stretch further if you scratch my armpits just right…”). I am pretty sure she only loves Chris and I, though. Chris says with me not around, she is super talkative, and sleeps with him every chance she gets (which is every night). I miss all of them dearly.





Seriously, today, go fuck yourself. I know you’re almost over, but go fuck yourself and your emotions and shit.