Bronchitis fucking sucks.

The great thing about having bronchitis is I can not exercise and don’t have to worry about feeling guilty.

The worst thing about bronchitis is that I feel stupidly guilty for not exercising!

I’m stressed. I cannot pinpoint what about. It’s really frustrating because I can generally tell why I am stressed or what about. I can’t right now. I haven’t been able to for a couple of days. All I want to do is either cry super hard or eat my feelings. Nothing seems to be satisfying my eating, either, so I ignore that one for now.

And before it’s asked, no, not pregnant.

Good thing is that I was able to run to the train stop today for a little bit and walk up stairs and not feel like I was going to have an asthma attack. So, I get to go back to the gym tomorrow.

Today, for no apparent reason, my back decided to super hurt in that one bad spot that I think is a herniated disc. It hurts so bad I feel like I’m going to puke. Here after I post this, I will be laying down flat on my back for a while on heat and ice, and will watch a show or two to catch up with the husband. I am partially excited that this keeps happening because I just signed up for benefits at work and will be able to see a doctor soon. Really worried that it’s happening for seemingly no reason at all and this fucking strong.

Sometimes, I am really surprised that I am functioning.

Well, we’re going on vacation as of Saturday. I am so excited I cannot contain it. I have this whole week of training, so no phones, then all next week in California. It’s going to be in the 80’s there, and Chris’ dad has a freaking hot tub. BATHING SUITS ARE GOING WITH US. We have a car taken care of, everything we want to do is still supposed to be happening. I am just so excited to go somewhere and not worry about anything for a whole week. It will be a nice change. :3

I lost weight last week AND inches. I definitely plan on running this week. My wedding band is amazingly loose. I am worried that I will have to not wear it anymore for fear of losing it! That kind of makes me happy. ;)

Anyway…that’s it. Yeah…….


Is this the hard part?

I’ve been feeling…well, less up to everything than normal. I am very adamant about watching what I eat still, but I cannot get myself to exercise. I have not been feeling good after I exercise at all like I used to.

For some reason that I cannot explain, I am in a lot of pain. The only thing I can think of what has changed was that I got a new water bottle from my roommate that I cannot drink out of well… Maybe I have been having less water? I have no idea, because it feels to me like I am still drinking enough water. After working out, my muscles hurt a lot more than they used to. I get enough sleep and I feel like I worked out entirely too much the night before, even if I didn’t. It’s been happening for the past 4 days now.

Just to be safe, I took a pregnancy test today (for those that don’t remember, I have an IUD – checking for pregnancy is vital). It came out negative, which is what I was expecting, but now I don’t know what else could be wrong. There are spots on my back that feel wrong and the only thing I can find out about the pain is possible herniated discs. I have 3 spots that give me trouble, and they have been way worse than normal. I haven’t had a day where I DIDN’T have a headache for 3 days now. My leg muscles feel weak or torn or overworked at different points in the day. It all seems so random that I don’t think I can figure out what is happening. Maybe some of my other weight loss friends can help me? I am pretty sure that the headache might be related to a toothache, but my teeth really don’t hurt all that often or coincide much with the location of the pain.

I did lose weight this week! At first, I didn’t. I gained weight. Just over 2 pounds. I was depressed about that Saturday. My waist and ribs went down on measurements, but that was it. At least I didn’t gain there again. On Saturday, before I ate, I decided it might be a good idea to weigh myself again. I had ended up losing 3.6 lbs. I am not sure what it was, but that made me feel good. Yesterday in itself was a really shitty day, but at least I lost weight, and more than I thought I had gained this past week. Well, whatever, moving on.

I really want to be under 220 when I go to California. I don’t know how feasible that will be. I have been stuck between 230 and 225 for months now, even after adjusting caloric intake and exercise. It just makes me feel very much like I’ve hit a brick wall. I am not giving up, not after everything I have done. I just don’t know what else I can do to try to shock my system or even make my body stop hurting. If any of you have suggestions, those of you that have been where I am, please let me know what you did! I might have either tried it, but if I haven’t, I just might…

Work makes blogging difficult

I was supposed to blog last week. I didn’t. I don’t remember why I didn’t other than I was super busy with work for some reason.

Getting used to working out while having a job has been interesting. Starting this almost 2 years ago, I had a full time job. I wasn’t as invested as I am now, though. I really got into everything when I didn’t have a job, and it was easier to do. To be fair, this isn’t that hard. What’s hard is having roommates that are overweight and not as progressed or invested as us. Especially since it’s very much a communal kitchen, I dislike having to cook “healthier” things for myself if the meal isn’t low enough calorie for me (which hasn’t happened too often). I feel like a dick or disrespectful or something. I know I’m not logically, but that doesn’t stop how I feel. What makes it hard is that I do not like feeling as if I have insulted someone. So, I’ve had to deal with that.

I have lost the weight I gained! Well, not all of it, just back at 227, but better than gaining again. I took my measurements last week and had gained a bit. That really upset me. Starting on Monday, I am going hardcore on everything. I increased my calories so that I could increase my exercise, and I haven’t increased my exercise much. So, on Monday, I will be starting 2 or 3 days of strength and 5 or 6 days of cardio a week. I will be going to the gym to do so every night after work. I need to tell myself “no excuse” again. Because I don’t have one. I will feel better doing it again, too. Also, I REALLY want to be under 220 when I go to California in a month (FOUR WEEKS) so that I can tell my step mother-in-law that I have officially lost over 60 pounds since the last time she saw me.

I’d post my measurements, but I am incredibly too lazy to go get them out of the bedroom.

Because I gained weight, I am still just under 20% lost. That annoys me.

I don’t know what else to post about other than work. I am still working out, though, admittedly, not as heavy as I should be, but that is changing. A lot of my life is work right now. I am being recognized there and that makes me happy. I am very much exceeding my own expectations of myself, and I am impressing people that I work for. Just can’t go to another department until I hit 90 days. That’s fine, though. That’s in just a month. :)

I guess that’s it. I miss talking online! I miss you all! Your support is what keeps me going, so please give me all you have! :D

Chris’ measurements.

I didn’t mention it earlier, but I was able to get Chris’ measurements, too.

He’s gone down a total of 2.75 inches all over his body, 2.25 of it on his ribs alone.

Silly bear, not believing that it’s good to track measurements. :3


Actually, not really beer. The right beer is great. No, I’m having cocktails tonight. Fuck yeah.

ANYWAY. I said in my post at god awful early this morning that I lost around a pound-ish. I fucking lied. that I am down to 227.2 lbs. (Apparently I don’t remember what I posted 12 hours ago, hur.) I lost 2.2 pounds. What? How did that happen? Seriously. I have no idea.

And now I have my measurements on hand! Weeee! I really didn’t think I did my waist right, but looking at myself in the gym (yeah, I check myself out), I can REALLY see that I have lost that since I started going. Virtually no more BACK BOOB. FUCK YEAH.

Right. Measurements.

  • Neck: 15.5 (I am certain this isn’t going to change ever again…)
  • Bust: 46.5 (-0.5)
  • Ribs: 38.0 (0)
  • Waist: 42.0 (-2.25)

So, yeah. Super happy with this. Eventually, I will lose all the fat everywhere else on my body and I will start losing my hips finally (most of my fat right now is around my lower abdomen region, right where my hips are measured). I hate that I’m “pearing” out like this, but fat loses wherever fat loses.

I love seeing myself in the mirror now. I can stand seeing myself naked now (though that lower abdomen really is annoying me), and I can seriously see the change in my chest, arms, and waist really well. And my shoulders. Yeah, I am firming up quite nicely, actually. Super in love with it.


With that, I wanted to make a random side note: I will rock at this job. The guy I sidejacked with today wasn’t the best example at all, but I learned a lot of…uh, how to not be a condescending cocksucker on the phone! HAHA.

I’m serious, though. This guy got frustrated super easy. To be fair, this woman couldn’t distinguish the words “computer” and “console”…so, yeah.

I was going to blog about phrases being said on Twitter, but fuck you. Go read Twitter. From this person, this chick, and this random guy that totally isn’t my husband. We’re pretty awesome.

First, I suck.

I totally promised some progress pictures, but never did them. I forgot. I’m sorry. I will try to work for that this weekend.

Second, WOO ANOTHER LOSS. It’s taken me nearly 2 months to get down the 6 pounds I “gained” coming back to Portland. Fucking seriously? Wtf. Ugh. I’m at 227.2 now as of this morning.

I did measure myself. I should note that I am at work right now, and the paper that I did my measurements on is at home. So that will have to wait until then. But I do remember I lost on my bust and my waist. My waist was something crazy like 2.25 inches. Fucking rock on.

There was a horrible tragedy in Aurora at the Dark Knight Rises screenings at a theater well known for not having…the best of crowds. It’s still sad, and that’s something that will stick out in people’s minds. 12 died. 50 injured. It’s fucking shitty. I really hope no one I know was there. :<

There will be another post this afternoon (ha, “tonight” to me…). Hopefully it’s more, well, happy.

How does this not depress you?

Fact of the matter is that I gained this week. And not the measly little things I had been gaining before. I gained 2.5 lbs this week, and ended back up into the 230’s.

Two weeks of gaining hit me really, REALLY hard today. I am still not discouraged by any means, but I am super disappointed in myself. I wouldn’t have been so depressed if my measurements came back as actually losing something significant. I kind of want to cry again just thinking about it. If I gain again next week, I don’t know what I am doing wrong to actually be gaining. I haven’t had a gain so large after a week of gaining before, and it just hit me so hard that I gained so much. Most of the time that I gained this much, the week prior I had lost a large number, so it was expected!

I’m mostly fine now. I am pretty sure that this past weekend affected me more than I thought it would. I saw something on Twitter from @Fitness that said “diet mistakes are harder to overcome than missed workouts. ” It has to be so true in this case. I have indulged before, but never to the extent of not logging, and of the amount of sugar that I did.

And at least it wasn’t double that weight that I gained.

Measurements! Doing both mine and Chris’ from now on! Mine:

  • Neck: 15.5 (0)
  • Bust: 47.0 (0)
  • Ribs: 38.0 (0)
  • Waist: 44.25 (-0.75)
  • Hips: 50.0 (0)

For Chris, we’re tracking a couple more things. I expect things to change up and down for him more on his biceps, and not much to change on his hips since we measure under his belly (where he wears his pants).

  • Neck: 18.0
  • Bicep: 16.5
  • Ribs: 49.5
  • Waist: 48.5
  • Hips: 47.0
  • Thigh: 24.75

Since he won’t keep track of these anywhere else, I will keep track of them for him. I am just happy that he is letting me do this. :3

(If you have met my husband,  you will know that if he doesn’t want something done to him, he will make sure it doesn’t happen.)

That’s it for today. Lazy, hot weekend ahead of us, but good, nonetheless. Back to it Monday, and hoping for a much better week next week. :\

Something seems to be working!

This week was a terrific loss! It’s the most I’ve lost in a week for a month now, and I am so happy with it. I am down exactly 3 lbs this week, but I have even more news! I ACTUALLY saw the fat percentage go down. This is the first time in 6 months I’ve actually seen it drop, and it made me seriously happy. I still think it’s lying to me, but it moved after months of never changing!

Today was also measurement day. I will get to those shortly.

I spent the week on my back. Much like a hooker, but without the money and sex. As I said earlier this week, I have a suspected herniated disc. It’s not fun. I can’t really sit up without some sort of assistance still. And today my pleurisy decided it was going to flare up after years of not having a bad event. So, it’s been an interesting day, but I worked through it all.

Did SO many exercises that I can’t even begin to think of everything we did. I went up in weight for most everything, though, and did lower reps. Always stopped before I hurt myself. I have a feeling that I will be sore tomorrow, which is fine, not much to do this weekend. I worked out every muscle I could except for calve lifts (since I would be jumping on the elliptical). The elliptical was a challenge today. I don’t know what it was about it, but 9 minutes in and I was just not feeling it. I was tired. Told myself at 10 minutes I would stop. Ten minutes hit, I kept going. Reminded myself that I wasn’t in pain, out of breath, or dying, and that I could fucking suck it up. Finished my last 10 minutes. Felt like a champ after I finished it, too. Didn’t burn as much as I have before on it because I was slacking hardcore the first 10 minutes, but I was only a few calories short. :3

All in all, did about an hour and a half of weights (sharing machines with my husband) and 22 minutes of cardio. It was a good day. I hope I feel it! :D


  • Neck: 15.5 (0)
  • Bust: 47.0 (-0.5)
  • Ribs: 38.0 (0)
  • Waist: 45.0 (-1)
  • Hips: 50.0 (-0.25)

I can see everything I’m losing on my waist. It’s pretty amazing. My hips are slower, but hopefully with the next measurement day (in 2 weeks), I will drop below 50 inches!

I am officially past 15% again. Will have to do the Japanese Gardens soon like we planned. :3 My husband will be so happy about that. :)

No more days for now, but terrific news!

First, I have been here less than a week, and I have a job. It doesn’t start until July, but I totally have an offer, and I will be starting with the next class.

Details: It’s with Chris at Stream. I’ll be doing the basic, general tech support for Xbox. Super easy job, super easy commute, and with the man I love again. We’ll be making essentially double what we are now, and most of what I make will go towards “splurging” (what little we actually splurge on) and savings for the ceremony. SO freaking awesome, really. :D I am excited to start. Especially since it means that I get to have my awesome hair colors (I totally interviewed with pink hair!).

Second! I lost weight this week…after gaining weight. Well, ish. I changed back to the scale I was originally weighing myself with, and it is all sorts of fucked up right now. So, I went back to 38 lbs lost (since I started My Fitness Pal). I lost 2.2 lbs since then, so I am good about it. I am on the right track to continuing to lose weight. And I did my measurements today, which was a loss almost everywhere!

  • Neck: 15.5 (0)
  • Bust: 47.5 (0)
  • Ribs: 38.0 (-0.25)
  • Waist: 46.0 (-1)
  • Hips: 50.25 (-0.25)

I am super proud of it all, as I should be. We haven’t been able to buy weights yet, but we have been walking SO much all week that it really hasn’t mattered. We have talked with someone from LA Fitness last week during Chris’ Fitness Month for his work. They have awesome deals, and I’m finally to the point where I can say it isn’t a waste of money right now. I have worked out enough by myself to know that I will use it if I have to, though we’re only planning on getting Chris an account. It allows him up to 2 friends to come in with him, so that really works out well. I’ll be able to use an elliptical and they have punching bags for the both of us! Kind of excited. We go to see the gym itself on Sunday.

Third! I am finally ready to announce that I will be going into the Air Force. Or, well, trying to. I know that right now I am too fat to go in. I still have to lose 60 more lbs before I can get into anything, but that should be easier here soon. All I need to be is under 170, and I am about to adjust everything that I need to again so that I can lose properly. I am really excited about this. I am not going in for a career, but to help boost my chances at being a cop. Two years of military service looks excellent on a resume to be a police officer, and that is my ultimate goal. I am still really excited about being a cop, and cannot wait at all for the chance to become one.

That all being said, life has gone entirely too smoothly recently, and I am waiting for something to just blow right up in my face. Chris and I have had a really terrible past couple of years. The fact that having this plan and everything actually WORKING OUT makes me feel like something bad is going to happen. That doesn’t mean it will, but I am severely cautious right now. I love it when things go my way. It’s really rare. I am extremely happy it all is working out, and really cannot wait for my life to begin! :3

Day 12: I remembered the day and weigh in!

For just waking up, the fact that I remembered the day is hilarious. To be fair, all I remembered was how bad I forgot yesterday’s day.

I DID LOSE WEIGHT THIS WEEK. Broke through my plateau (I hope) and through 15% and UNDER 230!!! That makes me so happy. My measurements even surprised me. :) I weigh 227.8 lbs today, and am so happy. Here’s my measurements!

  • Neck: 15.5 (0)
  • Bust: 47.5 (-0.5)
  • Ribs: 38.25 (-0.75)
  • Waist: 47.0 (-2)
  • Hips: 50.5 (-0.5)

Other than my neck, that is a loss everywhere. LOOK AT THAT LOSS ON MY WAIST. Two inches? Holy fuck. That there makes my total inches loss 29.25 inches. Almost 30 inches total! :D

I forgot to mention on here yesterday that I tried on my mom’s size 9 wedding BAND (which generally require to be slightly larger than your finger as opposed to the really thin engagement style rings, like mine). It slips on almost just fine. The wedding ring that I have on right now is a 12. It’s constantly slipping or twisting, but hasn’t completely fallen off yet. That really makes me happy.

I plan on keeping the ballet routine when I go back to Portland. Every month I’ll increase the reps or weight that I hold to adjust to the muscle I’m building. And will do good cardio on the days I don’t do these body weight/ball exercises. Seems like that will keep me on my toes enough. Will probably alternate between tae bo and actual kick boxing with the husband weekly, too. Along with running. Need to start doing that more. Will be easier at the lower elevation!

I am slightly worried about going back to Portland and how my diet will be shifted again. I don’t think it will be bad, but I had a shift when I moved here. I will be getting a lot of recipes that my mom does for me here, which are mostly Weight Watchers stuffs. That will help with a lot of dinners. Plus, I get to cook a lot of what I was cooking with Chris before, too, which makes me happy.

Today is supposed to be cardio, I might go walking around. I do feel good enough and really have no excuse not to, so I probably will later. :3

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