Updated blog and the reasons for my stress.

I know my blog isn’t popular. I also know that I do get more hits than I ever expected. Most of this is to keep me accountable for being a fucktard when it comes to losing weight.

That being said, I needed a place where I could complain, explain, and generally babble about my life. Twitter is good for that, but I always feel like I am spamming away at people’s feeds (with over 68,000 tweets, I have no doubt that I am). I even have a private account that I can do my more personal bitching on. It doesn’t help. The medium isn’t big enough for me. So, instead of spamming you guys on there, I changed up my blog.

When I am stressed, I will be able to write about it on here and not feel guilty about it since it’s no longer just my “weight loss blog”. Now I can come here and vent. The weight loss post for my weigh in day is here, if you ended up missing it a few minutes ago.

I have been particularly vague with some tweets this week. We had a horrible conversation with our landlord. Well, mostly horrible. We had a plan that we were trying to see if he would go along with. If you’ve followed me on Twitter for at least a month, you know that I have really bad anxiety when it comes to my landlord, and I hate talking with him. He’s skeevy. Seriously so. We explained that we can’t afford to live here anymore. We wanted him to take our deposit and use it as rent for January to February, then we would pay half a month’s rent to be able to stay until the end of February. That didn’t work out so well with him.

Instead, he said we will be able to keep our deposit, and he’ll let us stay here for free until February 5th. The problem is that we have no freaking money to move. No car, not even a place to move to yet. We have to move in just over a week. We were supposed to get money from Erin this week, but she ended up not getting paid just yet. If we did get paid by her this week, we would have been able to go out this weekend and look for a place, pay for background checks, and possibly put a bit down to hold a place. Instead, we have to wait until next week when we get money from Erin. This puts us in a bind. We will have to head out and fill things out in Beaverton in the morning before Chris works, hope we can get approved for a place, and then move in possibly one day on the weekend.

Because of all of this, I cannot look for a job. I can’t spend hours on the internet applying to places that won’t hire me. I have to pack up the entire house, pretty much by myself. It’s not too hard to do, but it’s stressful thinking about it. I’ve got a good chunk of it done, and plan on getting more done today. Since we can’t go out and look for places this weekend, I am stressing out pretty bad. I am not sure if we will have a place to live in 9 days. I don’t know if we’ll get someone who will take us in because we’re desperate. We have horrible credit; luckily, the eviction we thought was on our credit doesn’t seem to be there. Our credit means we have to pay more in deposit. That’s fine in normal circumstances. Right now, I just feel like we’re going to be homeless next week.

I posted about some really happy news that I didn’t want to jinks. I might have a job interview in a couple weeks, but I don’t know for sure when it will be. The email I got was really definitive that I will be getting contacted to set up a meeting, so I am hopeful that I at least have an interview. I am not saying where, and I am not sure I should even mention it. I have had a couple people ask me about what the news was, though, and I felt not saying anything at all was dumb.

This is all why I have been gaining. I am super stressed. All I want to do is cry. I am very scared for where we will end up. I am scared of where Erin will end up, but she at least has a boyfriend with lots of money that wants to help her out. Hopefully, our entire place will be packed and ready to go by the end of next week so we can just GO. And I am really hoping that we are able to get a place that will work with us. What I really want, though, is an extra week. I don’t think I will get that. :\

I just want to be only happy for once. Not stressed or sad. Happy and comfortable. We will get there again, but I am not sure how the journey there will be. :(

Late post on weigh in day!

I actually lost this week! I ended up being laid out because of my ankle for 4 days, and couldn’t find my weights. I did do some light cleaning, though, for 30 minutes at a time for a few times. Helped burn SOME stuff. :) Got back into it yesterday, and …I didn’t do too well. I was tired. Not worn out or in pain, just so tired I couldn’t lift my muscles. It was horrible. I hated it.

I lost 3.2 pounds this week, though! And I measured, which will follow. Even after Nacho-geddon (which is what my husband called it), and not exercising for 2 days that I normally would, I lost a lot. I am hoping that it’s the low-carb that I am on. That would be awesome. Really, it would be. :) My mom pointed out to me that I passed losing 5% of my starting weight! That’s pretty cool! Can’t believe I did that without realizing it.

I am seriously on a down cycle now. It’s weird because I’m only half depressed. My body just does not want to be awake. We had to make some serious decisions today, too, and that isn’t helping my body. There are 3 of us living with 1 income right now, a smallish income. It’s becoming quite stressful, and now we’re making the hard decisions that no one ever wants to make. Oddly enough, even with all this added “stress”, I am very much in the mindset of determination. Determined to not let this drag me down, affect my life or my weight loss. I cried for a bit, but that’s because there was talk of giving up my babies (my three awesome cats). I put my foot down and told my husband that giving them away would be a sign that everything was really fucked, and that all hope would be gone. I can’t lose everything AND be completely alone, too. He agrees, so we’re going to have to make things work out. We’re working things out, and we might be able to make it through. It would really help if DHS called me back so we could get more help with food stamps. :\ $16 just isn’t enough…

Anyway. I only wanted to post that so that it’s out there, and so that I can show that I am not letting it be an excuse. I am using it as fuel. I will not deter from my plan, and I will still be skinny. ONTO MY MEASUREMENTS.

  • Neck – 16.5 (no loss)
  • Bust – 49.0 (-.5)
  • Ribs – 41.25 (-.25)
  • Waist – 49 (no loss)
  • Hips – 50.5 (-.5)

All in all, kind of expected. I didn’t feel like I lost a lot these past couple weeks. I don’t even remember what my body fat percentage was. I try not to look at it anymore because it seems inaccurate. But, I believe it’s gone down… *shrug*

Today was a crappy day. Putting off exercise until later so I can focus on getting things sorted that we can sell and applying to places. It’s been one hell of a day, lemme tell you. Onward, though! We’ll get through it. We always do. :)