Goal reward and weird weight loss…

I watch The Biggest Loser. It makes me cry. Pretty hard sometimes. I struggle with a lot of what they struggle with, as do most overweight people. I’m an empathetic person, too, so I tend to feel heartbreak when I see it.

They went to Hawaii this week to battle the excuse “I can’t lose weight while on vacation”.

Guys, I think I’m in love.

I have seen things from Hawaii, and they never really hit me. Then I see it on Biggest Loser. It’s beautiful. THE WATER IS CLEAR. I want to do things that I never thought I would have wanted to do before; learn to surf, hike up a fucking volcano, SNORKELING, and visiting the Pearl Harbor Memorial.

I haven’t had a goal size reward planned yet. I didn’t think that far ahead. I figured, “Hey, getting pregnant and raising a family is rewarding enough, right?” Well, I decided that going to Hawaii when I get to my goal size will be my reward.

And notice I said size, not weight. I can be at my goal weight (which is 160) and still not be the size I want to be (which is a 12, and I’m even thinking 8 or 10 now).

Now, I’ve never been outside of the continental United States. I have never seen ocean so clean you can see your feet 5 ft down. I’ve never wanted to go somewhere that I can wear a bikini everywhere and not get weird looks for. I’ve been so obsessed with how much I hate myself and that must mean that everyone else hates me just as much. I don’t want to see myself in a bathing suit, who the hell else would want to? Now I am at a point where I can think, “Holy fuck, I will be skinny enough to not only look good, but might even get stared at with the curves I have naturally.” This is a good place. I am still big, but now I can plan for when I am skinny. So, Hawaii it is.

The downside is that I want it to be something Chris and I do before children, so we have to put them off. However, it will be considered our last “hurrah”, and we will try immediately after.

My stomach is losing weight now. I think I only posted about this on Twitter. The sides of my stomach in between my obliques and upper abs have been losing weight, and it’s making me look odd. Not complaining about losing the weight, just more that it isn’t consistent all over my belly, lol.

My neck is skinnier, my shoulders are looking thinner, I have to constantly tighten my pajama pants. I am really happy with my weight loss right now.

I am kind of happy as a whole emotionally. I get to see my husband in 2 weeks, and that gives me something to look forward to. Especially since he hasn’t seen me in 2 months and he gets to see how much weight I’ve lost!

Now, I get to fix my keyboard on my laptop that I broke last week! *whoosh*

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More injuries

Except this time, it’s my knuckles!

For those that didn’t see me post EVERYWHERE, I actually split 2 of my knuckles open while exercising yesterday. While painful, it’s really good. It means that I am hitting fairly hard, and finally building up calluses! The downside is that they ARE on my knuckles, making it incredibly difficult to bandage…

Chris’ goal for me this week is that 5 lb loss again. That would be great if he got me there, because then that would negate my no loss just over a week ago. Well, almost. Close. I would really like to lose that much!

I am starting to notice a LOT with the weight loss. I can tell when I lose inches now. It’s going slow, but I think I am about a size 20 finally. My underwear has this saggy butt thing going on. It’s annoying, lol. That’s one thing that I will have to buy consistently throughout this journey: underwear. Didn’t even think of that until last night. I, luckily, have enough clothes to not have to worry about getting more until I get under a size 16. However, my face is definitely starting to get thinner. The lines that go from your nose to the corners of your mouth when you smile, that’s not nearly as deep on me. I have “dimples” where my cheek goes in, but the rest of my face just kind of got fat around, they are getting more shallow. And I can see that my neck is getting thinner. There are some other NSFanyoneelsebutChrisandI things that I have noticed, and it makes me happier. My LEGS. Holy shit, it is really weird to see how skinny my legs are getting. They aren’t super model thin, but I didn’t realize how much weight I actually had in them. And since my toes are no longer stubby, they look very similar to my brother’s feet. Bah.

So, my first 10 pounds has been lost. I only need to do that 10 more times to get to my goal. :) This week should definitely be better since I don’t have to worry about guests anymore! And my husband is on My Fitness Pal now, which makes this journey even MORE easy.

See you all in a few days. ;)