Goal reward and weird weight loss…

I watch The Biggest Loser. It makes me cry. Pretty hard sometimes. I struggle with a lot of what they struggle with, as do most overweight people. I’m an empathetic person, too, so I tend to feel heartbreak when I see it.

They went to Hawaii this week to battle the excuse “I can’t lose weight while on vacation”.

Guys, I think I’m in love.

I have seen things from Hawaii, and they never really hit me. Then I see it on Biggest Loser. It’s beautiful. THE WATER IS CLEAR. I want to do things that I never thought I would have wanted to do before; learn to surf, hike up a fucking volcano, SNORKELING, and visiting the Pearl Harbor Memorial.

I haven’t had a goal size reward planned yet. I didn’t think that far ahead. I figured, “Hey, getting pregnant and raising a family is rewarding enough, right?” Well, I decided that going to Hawaii when I get to my goal size will be my reward.

And notice I said size, not weight. I can be at my goal weight (which is 160) and still not be the size I want to be (which is a 12, and I’m even thinking 8 or 10 now).

Now, I’ve never been outside of the continental United States. I have never seen ocean so clean you can see your feet 5 ft down. I’ve never wanted to go somewhere that I can wear a bikini everywhere and not get weird looks for. I’ve been so obsessed with how much I hate myself and that must mean that everyone else hates me just as much. I don’t want to see myself in a bathing suit, who the hell else would want to? Now I am at a point where I can think, “Holy fuck, I will be skinny enough to not only look good, but might even get stared at with the curves I have naturally.” This is a good place. I am still big, but now I can plan for when I am skinny. So, Hawaii it is.

The downside is that I want it to be something Chris and I do before children, so we have to put them off. However, it will be considered our last “hurrah”, and we will try immediately after.

My stomach is losing weight now. I think I only posted about this on Twitter. The sides of my stomach in between my obliques and upper abs have been losing weight, and it’s making me look odd. Not complaining about losing the weight, just more that it isn’t consistent all over my belly, lol.

My neck is skinnier, my shoulders are looking thinner, I have to constantly tighten my pajama pants. I am really happy with my weight loss right now.

I am kind of happy as a whole emotionally. I get to see my husband in 2 weeks, and that gives me something to look forward to. Especially since he hasn’t seen me in 2 months and he gets to see how much weight I’ve lost!

Now, I get to fix my keyboard on my laptop that I broke last week! *whoosh*

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